How comfortable are you with talking about sex with your partner? Do you share your desires, frustrations, fantasies, and hangups?
Are you craving more sexual intimacy in your relationship?
After the honeymoon phase wears off we’re often left with desires for “how it used to be”. You know, that feeling of giddiness when everything was exciting and new and sex was abundant.
Join us on this episode as we share our blueprint for spicy sex talks and juicy intimacy and how we apply it in our relationship.
We’ll share 3 practical tools that we practice in our relationship to help you get down and dirty with your partner tonight as well as communication tips to help keep the flame hot and spicy!
Hi, welcome back to our broadcast. I’m Jordan Bessaignet.
And I’m Olivier Bessaignet.
And together we make RelationshipAlkemy. And today we have a super juicy, potent topic.
Our blueprint for spicy sex talks and juicy intimacy. Yeah. So the idea came up because I was in a conversation with somebody in our group, a private conversation in messenger, and I was asking that person, so what are you missing in your intimacy? And she said, Well, I wish I had more spicy sex talks, but I don’t even know where to start. I was like, okay, let’s talk about that. Because that’s something that we have flowing in our relationship, and there are multiple aspects. It’s not that easy actually to access it. I want to give you a little warning, and it might be a little edgy today. And so we tend to we are out there, so don’t freak out.
And we’re not trying to impose our way onto anyone, but if it could be inspiring, we hope it could be inspiring. And we’re not asking anyone to do like us because we take it pretty far. What do you think?
Yeah, I think it’s funny because I would consider us like a normal couple. But then when you say that we’re out there, I can totally see how some people might say that we’re out there.
Yeah, I mean, intimacy is such a range.
It’s such a spectrum of beautiful designs because everyone’s relationship is different. But I know at least everyone that I’ve talked to, we all are desiring the same thing.
So even if we are super out there, or we’re super not out there, you can totally take what we’re saying and apply it to your own relationship.
So it’s our blueprints, and this morning we were just having sex, and after that we talked about it.
It was really funny.
Yeah, in details. It’s like when this happened, when that happened. So that’s what we’re going to do today. But before we get to that point, the juicy parts, we need to lay down a couple of things for foundation.
So foundation, what’s the first thing?
Yeah, the first thing that we have, and for me now, it’s so ingrained and normal, is conscious communication. Establishing trust in communication. It’s like we’re having this flowing because when we have triggers, we know how to solve them. When there are things that rattle the relationship, we feel safe to go to each other. When we have deep, vulnerable stuff, we are not afraid to share it with each other. Therefore, when we are in the bedroom, then we can talk about all that stuff freely.
Yeah. So outside of the conscious communication, what would be the next layer of the foundation?
Hello, chima queen. Awesome. Thank you for your if you’re watching this live, please send us a chat, let us know that you’re there and if you have any questions or comments. We’d love to interact.
So the first one. Yeah. The first one is communication. Talking openly about the difficult times. We had a lot of challenges. Our kid was almost died when he was born, et cetera. So we went through a lot of things together and so we know how to navigate our triggers. So that’s very financial. The second thing is that we work on our trauma, right? Because if they’re shame sexual trauma, history of rape or abuse, physical abuse or anything like that, then I’m going to be in my shell. Right. How can the communication flow and the juiciness flow if there are things like that that we hold? So healing trauma is very important because trauma creates projections. And so if I have a trauma that I can’t trust anybody, or women take advantage of men by stealing their money, or men take advantage of women sexually or objectify them, then it’s going to be hard to open to each other. Right.
And the last one, which is my favorite one, love languages.
So it’s very important to know each other’s love languages, right? Because if someone’s love language is worth of affirmations, that would be very difficult for me. We’re going to talk about spicy sex talks. But I’m not a talker baby today. Your eyes look like she’s not getting that from you much. And luckily for me, her first love language is I’m sure you love words of affirmations.
But if you were not getting in touch, I think my words would mean nothing.
Yeah. And another one of my favorites, touch is definitely my number one. I love being in constant touch with each other and just like throughout the day, just like hi or giving hugs and kisses and massaging and all of these really beautiful ways to exchange energy. And I also absolutely love accessories. So he knows this about me and yeah, we just really make it flow in our relationship.
Right. So we’re not going to go in detail into communication. Emotional intimacy is going to be for next week.
Okay, yeah, that’s next week. Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves because today we are talking about spicy sex.
So trauma was last week.
So we can’t do everything at once. So if you guys want to look at trauma, then please. So thank you for the post. Let me just put in the comments, especially if you’re on Facebook, I can’t see your name unless you click on that link. The link is streamyardfacebook and then I can show feature you if you want. If you want. Yeah. Thank you. There you go. You got it. It’s transitioning trust resolving trauma issues thank you for taking notes. Perfect. So part of the communication is that we also talk about our sexual desire outside of our relationship. Like crushes.
Yes. And this might be super edgy for some people, totally 100% understand. But for our relationship, what I love about this is it really fuels our desire for each other.
Yeah. So we were attracted to each other. We were together because we were attracted to each other, but we had previous relationships before and we’re still sexual beings. So it’s like this supposedly rule or taboo that once we are locked in because we are married, we have a child, and we’re not supposed to have sexual desires outside our relationship. Our friends are cute. Your friends are cute, my guys are sexy. Well, you know, it’s not going to stop, but either we make a taboo and therefore a whole part of our intimacy is just gone or pushed down or we find a way to make it connecting.
Yeah. And so this is like one thing that is definitely super edgy and at times I have had difficulty receiving, like, hey, I think this person is cute. But it’s also something I would never change about our relationship because I feel more the intimacy that it brings when I share with him. Like, oh my gosh, I have a crush on this person and I think they’re just so sexy, or like, oh, they’re so cute. That type of intimacy to share that with him, it just deepens the intimacy that we already have.
Yeah. Because we can share vulnerably, our desires, our frustrations, everything that’s happening on the deeper layer level, we’ve established that communication and that trust. Yeah. It’s a foundational piece and I don’t know how to bring it. Sit there. Okay, so let’s talk about spicy sexy talk.
Yes. So first question is what exactly do you mean or what do we mean when we say spicy sexy talk?
So it might be something specific for each person. Right. So what does it mean to you? And if you want to put in a comment, that’d be awesome so you can read it as well. Like talking about so we just had sex this morning and talking about it was very important to me because then, I mean, it helps us improve our sex life and our intimacy, but also I get to know her better and I get to share about me. So isn’t what we want, you know, it’s like this juicy. Yeah. How did it feel this morning?
Yeah, I mean this morning. Well, not only this morning, but every time. I just love talking about sex afterwards because then I can say like, yeah, I liked this or I didn’t really like this, or what? I think what I really love about this type of aftercare is that I can share my sexual experience with you because when we’re having sex in the moment. I might start crying. But I’m not going to sit there as soon as I start crying. At least not anymore. At the space that we’re in and share with you like. Oh my gosh. This is what was coming up for me. But yeah, so certain emotions rise up. I can share them afterwards with you and be like, hey, when you were doing this, I was totally like, living through a sexual experience that I had in the past and coming back to the present and working through it. And then it becomes just a space of sharing deeper intimacy with each other and keeping that emotional intimacy within the sexual container.
I love what you said about the love making is also a way to work through trauma or past experiences. So love making can be well, it’s supposed to be joyful every time and having the big oh and everything, but not every time. Sometimes, like, you say you’re crying or something vulnerable comes up and so having this communication going is not an issue. So let’s talk about this morning because there’s a big piece that you shared that I absolutely love. You said I had to let go of something of my mind.
So I love having sex, right? I love having sex and I love having orgasms. And this weekend we spent the weekend apart because I was filming a sensual nudity women’s retreat in Joshua Tree and you were here holding down homebase. And so I felt like I had so much excitement and all of this energy like, oh my gosh, I’m home with my husband and I get to see him and we’re cuddling and I’ve been with women all weekend and I’m so excited to be with my man, you know? And so this morning we were like, you know, the sex energy was coming out and you’re like flirting with me.
We’re already very last night.
Yeah, we were part of last night. I was like, listen, I want to have sex with you so bad, but I’m so tired. So he’s like, okay. And this morning our son is at this beautiful age where he now wants to go explore. So he’s like out playing, doing his thing and we’re just like cozying up to each other. And by the time we got to the penetration part of sex, I was like on the edge of my orgasm. And I’ve noticed with us in the way that this works, when I’m on the edge of my orgasm, it tends to trigger that in you and both on the edge of orgasm. And I had to really let go of my craving for this orgasm. Yeah, one of the techniques that I use was breath. Right, okay. Because then I’m starting to get up here and I’m thinking, I’m like, oh fuck, it’s so juicy, I’m so excited, I really want to have an orgasm right now. But then I like, that’s game over.
It is going to last only five minutes.
Yeah, exactly. And so that’s when I was like, okay, how do I chill out the energy a little bit? Like move the energy through my body, like, get to a space where I’m not on the edge of my orgasm, but the energy is dispersed from my yoni. So then I started using breath and I was, like, pulling my energy, allowing it to circulate throughout my body. And then it brought me back to a space because I was able to disperse the energy a little bit, but still keep the energy. Like I wasn’t letting it go. I just took it from this very localized spot, which is my yoni, and dispersed it throughout my body. And then I was able to like, okay, when we make love, I need at least an hour. For me, I love getting to that space of long, juicy love making sessions. And we had time this morning. We had time. So I was able to let go of my desire, come back to myself, come back to my own body and how my body was feeling, and line up my body with my desires, right, and not allow my mind to overrule, like, okay, like, oh, I’m craving an orgasm so bad.
And then, boom, it’s over.
Yeah. So let me tell you what happened. The sequence in detail, I don’t know how much all those app, Facebook and stuff like that, let’s use yoni for her private. And vajra, I guess, is going to be the one that I’m sure is not going to be flagged. I just don’t want this video to be flat or be canceled or whatever. So when she started waking up, so we started cuddling, like, side by side, and she had her hand down and started stroking me. So what I love is that not only I had the localized trucks, but also I was feeling our whole body and the whole skin on me. And we were close, so we could breathe together and kiss. And at some point, she turned over, because that’s a position that we love to start with. It’s like spooning, because when we spoon, we can really feel the other energy, and we like to wave a little bit, right? So when we wave gently, that activates our sexual energy while synchronizing both our energy together. This is the opposite of porn, okay? The porn is localized, and usually there’s one point of connection, which is the genitals.
That’s not what we do. We try to have as much, and it’s fast, it’s thrusting, and it’s speed. Right? You got to get to that speed because you got to climb up the hill and sold out. Okay, so we’re doing the opposite. So we’re going super slow, and it’s really fully skin to skin. And I’m scratching her back and her hair, and I’m biting her neck. I don’t know about you. It’s really like a selfish thing. And what I know about Jordan, which is very different from the other woman that I’ve dated before, usually the woman like usually my experience before Jordan was usually that they wanted clitoral stimulation before anything else. But Jordan is very different.
I’m a rare breed.
So what’s coming up when we start?
Yeah, I absolutely adore penetration. I just love penetration.
Right? So she’s like, okay, let’s go.
I’m like ready to go, like, alright, like insert that thing.
But this time, you know, I retook it slow, got some lube on my hands. And I started giving her that, but with my fingers first. And I was playing between lingam and fingers, back and forth. That really got us extremely excited. And so when I started doing more of the penetration, then how is ramping up real fast? First of all, because we haven’t seen each other for a couple of days, so I’m getting more sensitive when I go out a few days without be careful in my words. I wish I could speak.
Yeah. When we go a couple of days without writing love.
So I got rearranged and I was like, I’m going to get over the edge pretty fast. So I turned her over and I laid on top of her. Okay? And that got us going a bit and I was still very I was edging pretty fast. So in order not to be done in five minutes, what I did, and that’s exactly what I want to praise you for or acknowledge you for, is that when I got to the edge, then I relaxed on top of her and I let myself, like, how do you describe that wave? For me, it’s to disperse the energy to be like so localized, to have it flow through my body. So I can feel an orgasm, not as big as if it will be the end, but I can feel the energy of the orgasm without going over the edge. So it’s not the mountain, but it’s a good peak.
It’s like a hill. It’s like a nice hill before it’s not just like, oh, we’re up the mountains and oh, fuck.
And what’s wonderful, and I was praising her for that, is that she fully instead of going for, come on, we want to go for it. Instead of listening to her craving, she listened to my energy and my rhythm. And therefore she allowed me to relax and have that pointy energy dispersed. So I went through the first hill and instead of going whoop gently over the hill, dispersed the energy and then we went on longer. So for me, if I can get past the first bump, then I can go longer past five minutes, and then I have a second bump that’s a little higher later. If I can get past that second bump, then I can last a long time. And that’s exactly what happened. And that’s why I was praising her. I was so spicy and juicy. Thank you, baby, for following that. And I could feel you relaxing as well and expanding. And so it really helped me to go for this deep feeling that I was feeling, but also relax and letting me have the time to get past that hill and then start stimulation again.
And it’s so interesting because it was this internal battle of like, well, you can have the orgasm now. And then it was like, oh. And so I had to choose between my desires. We definitely have had these talks pretty much every time afterwards after making love, we always talk about it. And so this is definitely something that I’ve struggled with in the past. And so for me, it felt like such a huge accomplishment for and showing of where I’m at right now in this stage of life.
The major key and the good students can write it down, but the major key, the major point is that we still condition that love making is supposed to be this straight line ramping up and it’s all about, okay, let’s get that big o, you know? And so the way we approach it is the opposite. So every time we have to like, refocus, I mean, we don’t need to talk about it anymore, but we know that we need to decide again, okay, I’m not going for that. I’m going for the journey. So it’s all about the connection. It’s not okay if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. It’s all about the connection that we feel moment by moment. And it’s the main game changer. Letting go of the goal. Yes, letting go. That’s easy to write, letting go of the goal. So we’re not going for the goal. We’re really going for the breath, for the hammerizing together, for the movement together. And so that got me past the first bump or a hill. And then so I could go on and go further. And at some point there it is again. She was like, this is ramping up.
So it could be that, you know, the big hill or stretch it, let go of that goal. But when it’s too much for me and I feel like I’m getting close, then what I did is that I switched to fingers. So I’m just sort of concerned that I’m explaining. So it’s not juicy anymore. Spicy, juicy. So I quit it this morning. So what I really enjoy this morning is that when I was really getting over the edge the second time, I don’t know, we could have a word of exchange too. I could have checked in with you. Yes. I said, I think, I think I’m going to switch to fingers. And you were like, okay. And so what? I mean, switching to finger is the sacred spot massage type of activation. And so she started scoring. Now every piece that we talk about is like a full training. Yeah, we have a full training on communication. We have a full training on trauma, dissolving trauma. We have a full training on sacred sparm massage. So we’re on the fast train. We’re on the results when it’s all weaving in.
Yeah, when you leave it all together.
Right, okay, so I’m too much. I breathe all the time, a lot as well. And I was like, okay, this is too much. And she’s still going I didn’t want her like, okay, let’s switch to finger. And then so I started activating her uni, and she had that slash.
I love squirting now that I’ve unlocked that in my body, and it feels like the most, like, epic release, and I feel like a water fountain.
Two weeks ago, we did a special training, like this one on sacred spot massage, so we can go back to that.
So if you’re curious about that, yeah, go to that one.
So she was in our gas make, and now that’s what I plugged that in because you said you unlocked that. You’re not gas dakini checking. Okay, now that you unlock that.
Yes. So getting to that point where I was able and this is so clutch, I think, in our love making session that we had this morning, because before we were getting into this habit with our sex routine, right? Even that word right there, like, oh, I cringe so hard, like sex routine.
But we tend to do three positions.
In the row, like, 15 minutes each. We tend to have that sequence. Not that we want to have that sequence, but it works well.
It just works. I love those three positions. Anyways, so this is, like, out of our normal. My gosh, it was so good. It was so juicy, and I was so surprised. I think that deepened the desire that I was feeling and my desire for connection, and it was this, like, fun exploration of, like, OOH, where are we going to go next? I don’t know, because we have all of these tools in our tool belt and we’re able to, like so when it comes to making love, we lay the tool belt out and we’re like, oh, let’s use this tool, let’s use this tool, let’s use this tool. And so getting to that space, it was so much fun, and we were able to talk about it afterwards. Oh, my God. So I was able to share with him, like, yes, baby. Oh, my gosh. When you use your fingers, that was amazing. I was really able to experience pleasure in this way that I got to orgasm without going for I don’t even like to necessarily call it.
Yeah, because there are multiple types of.
Orgasms, but we also have a training on so if you’re curious about that, go see that. But for me, the four types of orgasm.
So this morning, what did you tap on? What was the difference between with the fingers and at the end?
So with the fingers, it’s different, because it’s fingers, and how it’s different is you’re specifically able to activate my Gspot. And that’s a different sensation than when we’re together and laying very close and connecting and making love in that way. And so it felt like such a beautiful gift I was able to just receive in that moment. We have this beautiful, amazing flow when we do make love. And with all of our tools and it’s like this beautiful weaving of giving and receiving and we become two active participants. You know, it’s like our energies are like, swirling and they’re like playing with each other and with fingers. I feel like a queen. Right? I feel like, oh, my gosh, I.
Am able to and you just receive and just receiving. Yes.
And I’ve done a lot of work going back to what we talked about earlier, about working through our own personal trauma when we do come together in union, because I’ve done a lot of work. I’m just able to actually receive and not have it mean anything. And I just feel like the queen that I am. And so I was really able to yeah. I was able to get into this orgasmic space of squirting. And that type of orgasm feels very different than an orgasm when we’re both climax.
And that’s the big difference, is like, this was just for me, this was like a beautiful gift. Like, Here you go, here you go. I want to pleasure you and please you in this way and versus when.
We’Re both active service.
Here we are. Active service. I feel like I’m blushing.
I mean, it looks like access service in real life.
Yeah, use that one if you’re into this. So we’re able to get to this really juicy spot and then I was able to have this beautiful, beautiful release. And for me, every time I have an orgasm, they’re all so different. Like, I can’t compare them. You know, it’s not a comparison of like, oh, I like this more like, oh, that one feels better. It’s like, no, they all feel good. Every type of orgasm. I’ll take any orgasm that I can. So then going back to our love making, I was able to kind of like, simmer down after that because, you know, from like the energy is building, the energy is building. And then I was able to come back down the hill and then we were able to start building again. And this time it was so we.
Laying down and I’m using my fingers. Take a spawn massage. So instead of being a session about sacrespan massage, we’re not in training wheels anymore. So we wave it in and out, just integrated and of course, just want to touch on that specific point is that in a traditional porn waiver, usually there’s only one point of contact. Here’s the opposite, which means so one hand is down there, but I have my hand on her heart, I’m kissing her forehead. Because it’s not localized activation, we try to have the energy and therefore the sensations and the pleasure flow throughout the body. It’s all about how can I take it from there and everywhere. So it’s a full body thing instead of being pointy. And only if we get that do we feel satisfied. No, it’s a whole body experience. Therefore we feel satisfied from the experience, not just the goal or the end point.
And what I love about that is just going to this I literally just went to a camp out and it was like sensual devotion of like, okay, let’s allow ourselves to, like, feel, you know? And that’s what I love about weaving sensuality within my sexuality. It’s not just this one thing, it’s this full body experience. And it’s like, okay, how many senses can I activate right now? And so I’m listening to him breathing in my ear, and I’m feeling his beard scruff. It’s, like, on my face, and it’s super, like, so sexy. And I’m also like, I can smell him and his pheromones. I’m like, oh, my God, it smells so good. And we’re hugging each other and we’re, like, scratching and playing with various points of our skin. And so I heard this beautiful prompt one time, and it was because of the porn industry, americans tend to think that we can only receive pleasure in our genitals, right?
And that is not true. We can receive pleasure literally on every single surface of our body. It could be my elbow. That’s really why not?
Yes. But one thing I’m trying to learn is every seam, like, junction, like, here, here, or every joint, the inside of the joint is very erotic zone. Thank you, my friend. Is like erogenous zone. So if we activate them, then they become more and more sensitive and receptive when activated again. So it’s like, what’s the best technique that we can learn? Well, the best technique is not a specific point or, you know, if I like here or touch there, it’s really this flow of energy and the full body finding the full body activation.
And also we’re kissing, so we’re like, connecting. I don’t know if I’m my little toy, but watch another view where we demonstrate that our bodies are conductive of electricity. So we’re activating one point, which is the general, and we’re kissing at the same time, or nipples or the neck or in the ear. So we are connecting those points together so that everything in between is also lit up electricity. Okay, so she’s on her back. I’m completely pushed against her side, and I’m activating her fingers, and then she has this big release, and I’m like, okay, what’s next? And she’s like, well, let’s turn over. So we go, Dougie, I’m back in her. And this is where now we’re going to the thrust. Because I went over two bombs or two hills, so I’m not as hypersensitive. I know I have way more range. And she had a release, which means, I don’t know, for you, the craving is kind of dissipated and you can.
Go into like yeah, now I like to call them. Now we’re playing, right? We’re, like, deep in play together. And we’re like there’s a lot of thrusting going on. There’s like some hair pulling. There’s also fingers in other. Spots of my body that are very close to my yoni. And so we’re, like, in this really beautiful, playful space. And one thing I love about not going to this space first is I’ve had a lot of trauma in the past with sexual experiences of men, like, inserting themselves and then just going right into this, like, really thrusting rhythm. And that absolutely kills my cervix, you know, that is very uncomfortable. And at the time, I thought that was how I was supposed to like, how I was supposed to make love.
Because look at the videos. Because all the cool kids that’s what.
The cool kids were doing, and that’s.
All I can do. It you’re, like, cool.
Because of my lack of sexual education, that’s what I thought was sex. So then I thought I just had to receive that. And now I’m a mature adult woman who’s in charge of my own sexual experiences and learning, and I’ve also worked through my own personal trauma. And we’re able to like, my yoni is able to warm up. It’s not this just immediate insertion and wow, now we’re a threat thing. It’s like no, it’s like because I get the time to warm up, I can feel more sensations in my yoni. And that’s from a scientific perspective, that’s how your yoni works. That’s why so many yeah, I mean.
Same for the men. It’s like when the tissue gets engulged with blood, this is where we feel more pleasure. So we need to let the blood and the tissues get engaged.
Yeah. And so now my tissues are fully.
Engorged, and if we go too fast, if we have that much range, and it’s like this speed all the time, what do we get? We get numbness.
Numbness. You get more trauma not connecting. I don’t feel like we’re one. Like, when we do get into these beautiful, juicy, love making sessions, I feel like our spirits are intertwined and they’re mingling, and it’s this beautiful reflection of this dance that we’re doing in our everyday life. Right.
It reseals the bond of our commitments. Like, we are parents. Just like, any anxiety about life, about our decisions, all that is out the window. Because we feel physically so committed to each other through this experience.
And so from there, because we’ve laid the foundation, both of us are in. There’s a lot of blood in our tissues. And then I verbally said, okay, I am ready to go there. Okay, baby, let’s go. And that’s one of the things I also love. I’m not really one much, like, talk. I really do like being in my voice in the sense of vocalizing my experience through sounds, but not really necessarily through words or language.
It’s like mine is like, okay, let’s try this position. Or move your arm. Like, I’m gone.
Yeah. So I was able to voice what I wanted, my desire. And I assumed you checked in with yourself.
And you were also there. And then we were able to work up to what we’ve been working up to this whole entire time, and we’re both able to experience this beautiful, amazing, potent it was so good, like, this beautiful journey that we’ve created. We got to experience the climax of that. And, yeah, it was so funny because we’re both making a lot of noises.
Oh, yeah. When I’m there, when it’s my turn, I really use my voice. I go for it, because if you’re not using your sound, then the energy keeps getting contained. So it’s good for the woman, but it’s just exactly as good for the man.
Yes. And so then we were able to climax together, and it was so funny. You’re both things so loud. Our son comes, like, running back in the room. He’s, like, looking at us, like, did I miss something? Like, what’s going on? You know? And he walks back out of the room, and then Olivier’s laying on top of me, and we’re smoothing, and this is, like, my favorite. It’s hard to say, like, my favorite because all of them are so good and juicy, but one of the things I really love to do after we have experienced this big release together is Kegels, because Kegels really help me keep that energy going. So although we’re not in physical togetherness at this point, like, we’re spooning, you know, his hand is on my heart, and, like, I feel very held, and I’m in that, like, super amazing glow. Afterwards, there’s all sorts of hormones flowing through my body, and then this is where I utilize Kegels.
Because Kegels will, like, pull the energy again, and then it creates, like, a whole pulsing synthetic.
So let’s explain what is Kegels?
Yes. So Kegels are not only for women. They’re for all genitals.
I’m going to tell you. Just up to you.
But it’s basically when you activate your PC muscles, that’s your pelvis floor, and it’s kind of like if you were peeing and you wanted to stop yourself from peeing.
And you can also do this with your anus as well. And then you can also push out. It’s funny because I’m doing them right now, as I’m describing I don’t know this one. And you can also and then it’s that beautiful moment after the cueball. The whole point of the cueball is for activation and then to relax again, because I hear all of these things about, like, oh, Kegels, you got to strengthen your pelvic floor, and Kegels, Kegels, Kegels. But the whole point of Kegels is to enjoy the relaxation afterwards.
It’s not like a workout at the gym yes. Where you get the muscles stronger. It’s about pulling but relaxing, because relaxing is when the energy can flow throughout the body. First, you got to train. Like, any training wheels, you got to do the technique. But the way it works is that then it becomes automatic. And so it’s contraction. Contraction. And when you release it, all the pleasure comes through the body.
Yes. So for me, it feels like an extension of the big climax that we’ve had together. So although we’re not physically connected through our genitals anymore, we’re still laying together. He has his hand in my heart. We’re still exchanging energy.
Absolutely. Yeah. It’s still flowing.
But what is a cigarette for, man?
Yeah, exactly. The basic practice, if you want to try it, just when we hung up, if you want to try it, you go to the bathroom and you start peeing and you interrupt your peeing. So you go like pee up.
Continue like five or six times. So if you start practicing, practicing that, your muscle starts to strengthen. And so now you can like after this first step, you can try to see, okay, can I activate just the muscles for my inus? Okay. And then the space between the innis and the sax. So can I activate that? It’s kind of your premium. Yeah. But the sensation is more like woods. Yeah, it feels like woods. Now I want to say that to differentiation, the next one, because if I activate just at the base of my sacks, sax. Yeah. Is that clear?
I think then when I pull there, it’s very vulnerable and sensitive at the same time. And that is the part when we start and I want to get hard. This is where I’m going to pull. I’m not going to pull on the middle part. That’s wood. I’m going to pull. I’m just going to pull the sax to bring more blood. It feels more like it’s a very different sensation. So like, when we start making love, this is when I’m like, oh, maybe it’s going to happen today. I start with that because it gets me activated. I’ve noticed that if I don’t think of that and I go from day to day life to love dakini sometimes it’s hard for me to function. So that little trick gets me going from like kind of numbness or not paying attention to okay, getting going. Okay. And so for me, it’s kind of the activation before we engage. And then I don’t really think about it, but I know it’s happening when we have love making. And that moment, that first moment when I said I’m relaxing, I’m definitely relaxing my pelvic floor. Because when I relax my pelvic floor, then I’m not as hard as a break.
Okay. So I might lose a little bit. I don’t think I even lose physically. But my sensation is that I’m less masculine, I’m less thrusting. So I’m relaxing my whole energy, like relax and go throughout my whole body. And so that relaxation of the PC muscle is that switch. So I highly recommend if you want to start now, you’re going to get a head start. Do this practice of well, when you go to the bathroom, but also throughout the day to activate yourself. Like, that I’m present here. Okay. Yeah. It’s going so that when we meet, it’s not coming from okay. We have to activate everything we’re already present to something.
Yes. And this is also something I love about both of our love languages being touch. Because then it feels like this little secret of, like, where is this secret going? And it becomes this, like, extension of the bedroom, you know, without it being in the bedroom. And then it feels very connecting to my heart and intimate throughout the day. So then we’re, like, maintaining the intimacy, and we’re building the intimacy even though we’re not in the bedroom.
Yeah. Okay. How spicy was that? So can you picture yourself? Because I was thinking of that person I was in conversation on messenger with, and, you know, I was asking them, so what do you need help with? And, you know, she was like, yeah, this is what I really want. So we’re trying to model that embody that. I would love to know if that resonates with you guys or if there’s an arrow, for example. We’re not really, like, in a fantasy kind of zone, so I don’t tend to fantasize and tell her my fantasies. It’s more like when we connect that we get activated. But for some people, it could. Right. So when you hear spicy, spicy, sexy talks why? I messed up my banner. I’m missing it. Why? There you go. He fixes it, man. It was there the whole time. Yeah. What does it mean for you? And so, depending on where you’re listening to this broadcast, if you can type as a comment, intimacy breakthrough, then I can reach out to you and we can talk about what you want and see if we can help you in any way.
Yeah. And if you have any questions or comments, we would love to hear from you. If you guys are still watching about if this is something you can see yourself implementing, if you’re curious about that, meet us here next week at this time. And we’ll be talking about the emotional intimacy, which also fuels our sexual intimacy and just helps us maintain healthy intimacy all around. Be kind, be well, and we’ll see you back here.