How much should you tell your partner? Should you tell them everything? Or are there things you should never share?
What if they respond with defensiveness, judgments or dismissal? What makes it safe to share more of yourself?
Intimacy is all about feeling reassured that we are loved and accepted for who we are. In this podcast episode we dive deep into what the microscopic truth is, how sharing your truth with someone can actually be more connecting, and we share practical tools and stories from our personal journey to help you decide for yourself the type of intimate relationship you want.
Join us as we get into the microscopic truth!
Our free handout is available for download here as you listen in: https://relationshipalkemy.com/free-downloads/
Hi. Welcome back to our podcast RelationshipAlkemy. I’m Jordan Bessaignet.
And I’m Olivier Bessaignet.
And today we have another wonderful juicy topic, and we like to call this “Should You Tell the Microscopic Truth?”
I hope you already hear the bias. I think it’s a crucial topic because it taps into all the little things that we might hide or not essential that impacts intimate relationships.
Yeah. So actually, I just want to give a little preface. We’re out at Lightning in a bottle. Yeah.
So we’re back. It’s been four or five weeks. It feels like six months. We’ve been on a journey, so if.
You’Ve missed us, this is what we’ve been doing. And while we were out there, we got totally new Blueprints, updated transmissions, whatever you want to call it. So we are back, baby, and we are better than ever.
Yeah. So we have this food truck that we started last year, and, yeah, it started like, a nice way to make money on the side and pay for the bills so that Relationship Alchemy and other offerings are not in the stress of how we have to squeeze our clients to make money so that we can pay our rent and stuff, so it’s covered, so we can reflow with this and be in our hearts and our full offering. And so we took it for the first time, thanks to Jondon’s brilliant idea, to a music festival landing. And it was epic. And we brought a crew of eight people, including us. So six more. And we just had a debrief on Monday. Two days ago. Three days ago. And it was an transformational initiation for not only us, but for everybody.
Yeah. I think we might do a whole separate podcast on the learn from being out there because we have some stuff to share with you and some good stuff to share, but as a couple.
And as a couple, entrepreneur couple, I don’t know if you say that sharing things like that can either break the relationship going on an adventure and the outcome could be whatever it’s going to be. Yeah. Either to break the relationship or really strengthen it. I know so many people avoid working together, even living much of the day together, and then just change that and realize that, oh, how does it feel to live 24/7 with this person? But going on this kind of adventure can really be a challenge for a relationship and reveal values, character, and how we come together or how we find differences. We embrace it.
So back to my preface. We were actually out on the night that we got to go explore and have fun, and we were sitting and talking, and we’re, like, coming up with ideas for our podcasts. And this was one of the ideas that came up because going out there revealed to us how I feel like it didn’t even reveal it. Just like, I don’t know, I’m forgetting the word right now. Yeah. Reinforced the idea of how important the microscopic truth is. Yeah. And so before we get any deeper into this topic, I just like to give a quick definition of what the microscopic truth is.
Do you want to start?
I can have my version, but I’m really curious about that.
Okay. So my version I actually came across this term from a dear friend of mine. She was reading a book, and in the book, they I can’t remember the book right now, but in the book, they were talking about telling your partner and not even your partner, just like, honestly, those that you’re in intimate relationships with, even, like, your boss, just sharing the microscopic truth. It’s like, Whoa, what’s the microscopic truth? And the microscopic truth, my interpretation of it is any little thing, not even little, because I feel like that’s a word that kind of denotes if something’s big or small, but it’s truly just sharing openly your thoughts, what’s on your heart and what you’re feeling.
Yeah. I call it living in transparency.
But what does that mean? Because I’m transparent. But then what does that mean to you?
It touches right away on trust. So on trust and ownership in the sense that if I share, can I re own my truth? And am I afraid on how my partner is going to receive it? Are they going to get triggered? So I want to avoid triggers, so I’m going to avoid saying that. So then I’m not going to own fully my truth. And then when we speak in circles, I regret that. From the Mankind Project, everybody check in and people say, well, I feel angry, or I feel scared. Come on, man, own it. You feel angry? Okay. Own it. We don’t minimize. Right? And so in our recent word, like, emotions can be scary. Some emotions such as anger or confusion or anxiety, we all want to be so positive and all, but actually there’s a power in there. How can I be also intimacy? Our definition of intimacy is trusting that we can be fully ourselves with the other person. Right. So can I trust that I can be fooling myself in all aspects to being wide range and not be perfect and still be received as love for everything that I am?
Yeah. Love does not mean agreeing. Right. So I might not like some of your aspects, your shadows, your traumas, or some of the values that you prioritize. I might not agree with it, but I can still see you, understand you and love you for what you decide you want to be and appreciate. And appreciate. Absolutely right. It touches on trust. Trust about, can I own me and am I going to be received? How am I going to be received? And of course, it goes both ways.
And so I think those two components are huge in building intimacy. You can’t have intimacy without trust. If you’re like holding your truth back, you’re like not allowing your partner, your friends, someone else, maybe a family member to see you in your authenticity. And I think this is a lesson that took a while for me to learn. Just with I’m going to give you some background information, but yeah, with my upbringing, when I did share more intimate things with my family members and intimacy not even in deep intimacy, honestly, but just like, emotions, like, I’m feeling this way. Yeah. I always got shut down, or like, no, you don’t feel like this, or feeling like that is not okay, and it’s not valid. And so I really learned at a young age to hide myself.
Yeah. You are unviodated in some way.
Yes. And so this was like a pretty big coping mechanism that even now I’ve taken it and I’ve transformed it into a tool through photography. Yeah. Photography is I feel like I, Jordan, ceased to exist, and I become just the lens at which I’m viewing things, which is really free. And also the backslash of that, when I didn’t use it in a way that was beneficial for me was that I wasn’t taking up space in relationships. And this is something I’m still navigating through. How do I show up in my relationships and take up space? Because I am so often in this space holder position that it’s very natural for me to just hold space for others. But the backside of that is then, okay, where do I take up space and where do I exist? And so telling the microscopic truth in my friendships, in my relationship with you, in my business relationships, it works. Literally every single field allows me to feel deeply authentic and I feel seen and I feel like I’m taking up space.
But this honestly, it comes easy with me, with some people, and with others, particularly friends, it doesn’t.
Do you know there’s a difference where you feel comfortable doing it or not doing it?
Yeah. So with you, it did take me, I would say, a couple of months of us finding our group together, where I noticed especially it was like, right after I got pregnant because pregnancy for me brought up so much and just the hormones and being nauseous. We went through a phase in my first trimester where I literally did not want to be touched. It made me feel so nauseous to even be touched by you. And it wasn’t anything personal. It was just being pregnant was super intense in that way. And I noticed that for a week, it would be like kind of high tension. And then all of a sudden, something would explode. And by something, it was me. I was the same thing.
I don’t think you’re necessarily doing it because you had experience in relationships before. But for me, when I came to the table, this is my first real deep intimate relationship.
Living together. This is my first time living with someone. This is my first time being pregnant with somebody. Right away, it was revealed that I wasn’t able to communicate in a way that I felt seen and heard. And also I started harboring resentment because of this. And I think this is like a key.
Yeah, me too. I went through that. I’m really curious about your experience with that, because I went through that, like, figuring this big piece, how do I not build up something?
And so we would go through these outbursts together, and it was me. And I just remember being pregnant and laying in bed in my mind, like, he does this and he does that, and he’s not listening to me, and, Oh, my God. And then he’d come in and he’d be like, hey, I loved you. I missed you. Oh, my gosh, play with me. And a part of that was fear of like, oh, if I say anything that’s not positive, is he going to still want this? A lot of it was a lot of fear of like, okay, if I’m not the perfect housewife, if I show this part of me, is he going to accept it and love it and appreciate it? I think it took me, like, three times, like, three outbursts. I remember we were actually in California on vacation, and I was just like, I hate doing this. This is, like, causing me so much stress and resentment.
What, the growth and stuff?
No, the outburst. Yeah, the outburst.
What was it? I don’t even remember.
I don’t remember because I don’t think it was anything. It was just, like, finding our group together and, like, finding a deeper level of communication. And then that’s when the microscopic truth came into me, and I realized, oh, if I just share what’s going on for me as it’s going on, then we don’t go through these outbursts. We don’t get into it doesn’t build up early. Yes.
It does not build up.
And then it doesn’t build up through a big outburst. Yes.
And then it’s like the river keeps flowing. It’s not like there’s a dam there. So it did take me a while to figure it out how that worked through trial and error, because apparently that’s how I need to learn most things.
Well, yeah. Theory does not really make it an intimate relationship. It’s all like where the rubber meets.
Yeah. And I guess that’s where after that moment, that’s when I started making this a practice of mine and sharing. And it took me a while to fully get to a space where I could just drop something and be like, yeah, this is how I feel, or, this is what I’m thinking, or, These are judgments that I’m having. And now we’re in such a beautiful space where these things just come so effortlessly, and we navigate them so well together. But yeah, that’s one of my examples.
Yeah. One thing that I’m really big on, a practice that I’m really big on doing myself and inviting everybody to do so, is what meaning we attach to things. So I tend to be spacious when you or somebody goes through something. I tend to be spacious because I’m just present in the moment and I don’t attach that much meaning to any specific event or moment or outburst. And I do register it’s like, okay, after a few days later, I’m like, so was it just like a moment, or is it actually a deeper truth value that’s important to you? And then, does it work for me or not? But in the moment, yeah. I tend to not attach too much meaning because the meaning that we attach to things is how we choose consciously, unconsciously, to create more intimacy, nurture more intimacy, or sabotage the relationship. And just to share like you did share more of my background. I come from a background of being more secretive and stealth. Both my mother and my grandmother had their way to not validate me, my grandmother, by being rejudgmental and be forceful in everything. So similar to your father, apparently.
But my mother was more gas lighting, so she was more like, oh, no, you don’t really think that. Oh, no, you really don’t feel that. Because my mother has a lot of frequencies of ideas on how things should be, but they’re very mental, like, on a mental level, and it doesn’t really add up when it comes to reality. But growing up, my only way to be myself was to be stealth. And I walked into my relationshipalkemy as an adult with that programming and that shadow, really. And I would rather not tell everything, only tell what I would deem relevant and be stealth. And it did explode in big ways that did sabotage intimate relationships along the way. So I really confronted that shadow only in 2017 when, like, a big explosion in the relationship I was in, and I went to Dominican Project workshops and trainings and stuff. This is why I found I hit a wall with the stealthiness the secrets business and not having the microscopic truth. Yeah. Because my physical experience, my practical experience was it will not be heard, validated. It will not necessarily have a bad outcome for me, but it won’t have a good outcome for me.
That relationship that we did not pan out, and so I was hitting a wall. This is where I find the Mankind Project did the initiation weekend and started doing weekly three hour men groups. And in this context, with the man, it was all about telling the microscopic truth and owning. Instead of going, Oh, I feel sad. No, I refill grief, actually. Going into it felt like more ownership, and more ownership turned into more empowerment. And so now I relish on it. It’s like this yummy thing. Okay, let’s uncover it, because now I know the power, the juiciness of it, because not only it’s going to be more empowering for me, but it’s going to be more connecting, more intimate if that practice turns into more intimacy. And now it’s my how you say it in English Litmann’s test. If the other person does not embrace it, it might take a minute to understand the value and find our path through it. But that’s something that we clicked on day one. Day one, we’re so attracted to each other day one.
And then maybe it was day two.
Day 215 days later, when we decided to go, okay, let’s explore this powerful chemical physical attraction. And then it was a disaster. Like, the first night was a disaster, but instead of going, okay, well, I’m going inside stealth, and I’m not going to reveal myself, be with my shame and walk away. Then we decided to share what was going on, and that was the spark. That’s what got us together, and now we continuously addicted to it.
Yeah. And I think, for me, another example I want to touch on was in a recent friend breakup that I went through where I did withhold information because I thought that the friend would not be able to handle it. And it’s true that there was some other things going on, and so when the outburst inevitably came, it was too much for that person to handle. And, yeah, that was a really valuable experience for me to look back and be like, oh, how did I fall into this again? How did this start happening? And it was an experience which I felt extremely disappointed in the way this person showed up. Yeah, it was during our son’s fourth surgery, which you weren’t able to attend because we had to work a food truck event, which was fine at this point.
We’re pretty rent, man.
Yeah. And I didn’t want to sit alone during his surgery because of the first time we went to the hospital. That was pretty traumatic for me. And so I invited this friend to sit with me, and she showed up 30 minutes late to an hour long surgery, and I was, like, sitting crying alone, like, pretty yeah, I felt really.
Terrible, and it was definitely a life and death moment for our son.
That’s how potent.
And I felt so hurt and disappointed by this. But when she arrived, I was like, Oh, it’s fine. I’m just happy you’re here now, and totally pushed my experience to the side, which is, like, the programming from my parents. So, like, okay, your feelings don’t matter, or also this spiritual bypassing guru type thing of, like, it’s fine, I can hold it. Like, I’m strong enough to hold it by myself, which is, like, true. And also, then I’m not allowing myself to be in my authenticity and to be seen in my emotions. And if it wasn’t this emotion, which I associate, this negative connotation to disappointment. You really let me down and I feel extremely hurt. Like, all of those things feel really negative to me. And I put air quotes around that because it’s something I’m trying to work through, not being negative, but as just another emotion on the human spectrum. So I hid that information from her for a long time and I think it did start to poison right, it started to poison our relationship because then I started noticing all the ways that she wasn’t showing up.
And then case building.
Yeah, exactly. And then I started case building and it was like, oh, this person is not showing up in this way again. Oh, they’re not doing this, and then this, and then so by the time we sat down and actually talked about it, I had the list ways that this person didn’t show up.
Well, more than the list, probably the motions.
Exactly. And I think it wasn’t even necessarily a list because there wasn’t like, oh, you didn’t do X, Y and Z, but it was like the charge behind the charge, which felt so intense one to begin with because the charge was so intense, it was so stacked and from the first charge, it was super intense. And so when I brought it to this person, this person shut down and became overwhelmed and we weren’t able to process further and actually never repair or amend the rupture. I’m like, Wow, how did that happen? And you know, how that happened was I told myself that that person wasn’t strong enough to handle my truth.
So that’s such a trust again, can I trust the other person to receive me my truth? So then I don’t express it and I minimize it, but then it stacks up. It’s so funny. Like, we are both powerful beings in terms of our energy, but actually, I’ve never met a weak being. Like people tend to hide their power subconsciously or unconsciously. I’m not saying it’s a pattern, like from chattel and stuff and they appear like they don’t exist, but each human being has so much power that it has to come out in some way. And so the more stealth speaking, from the experience I was just telling about, I thought I was stealth because I was containing my energy so I would not be too much. Right. Because my grandmother was too much and I was being squashed by my grandmother and Casa by my mother. So I was like minimizing my presence. Like you were saying too, but that does not work. No, it means that the power is going to come out in some way and if it’s not direct, it’s going to be sideways.
So if you don’t share your power through your macroscopic truth, that’s how you find you get confidence about your power, then it’s going to come out. It’s going to come out sideways, it’s going to come out self sabotaging or you’re going to feel weird socially playing.
The victim, which is like, what that friend had done, right? Which is like an powerful tool to use.
Yes. Playing victim is a way to reclaim power and take power over subconsciously. That’s not what they’re trying to do, but it’s what’s happening.
Yeah. And I heard this thing recently, and I think I’m going to butcher it because it just came to mind and it was a very specific phrase. But I was just away on this women’s retreat, which I was actually doing photography at, and one of the facilitators shared her very beautiful, potent offering of yoni gazing, and she was saying, like, everything that you feel or see or hear, at the end of the day, it’s just information. And where I felt empowered was, we have a choice on how we take this information.
Apply meaning yes, we have a choice. We apply to yes.
And I think that reminder of you. We are all sovereign beings who have the beautiful option of choice, which just empowers it allows me to see everyone fully in their power, whether they’re hiding their power or they’re not at that place yet in their life where they feel comfortable stepping into their power. Yeah. And it just led me on this thought train of like, wow, we really are all empowered beings. And yes, sometimes we make choices from shadow or we make choices that don’t necessarily pan out the way we think they will, but at the end of the day, we made that choice somehow. And so it was a really empowering phrase that I would like to incorporate more with our facilitation and our offerings just because, like, yeah, you know what? We all made choices.
Yeah. Everything that we all make choices all the time, whether we choose the empowerment path or the disempowerment path, which comes out later, sideways, et cetera. So it’s all a train. Yeah. I mean, we can have all.
That for another podcast, right?
So I have a question for you to come back to this. Okay, sounds great. Okay, right. Want to try it? But not sure myself in maybe some of our listeners shoes. What give you more confidence? Like, what worked in terms of my response or what do you want to hear to open more through? Sharing more microscopic truth or what shuts you down?
For me, actually, it’s funny because let’s go with what shuts me down.
Because that example came through right away, actually. I was sharing something with that one friend, an experience that I had gone through, and I was sharing something and something happened where we had an immediate disconnect and I actually left because I just was, like, so frazzled by what had happened and felt so shut down. And it was that that friend had jumped immediately into a different conversation.
So, like, not holding space for me to share and to validate my emotions and feelings and by like, all right, let’s talk about something else, when I just dropped something that was, like, very meaningful for you, very meaningful for me, I felt so terrible. I was like, well, this friend doesn’t want to hear about this experience, and I want to talk with someone who wants to verbally process this experience with me right now.
So what I’m hearing is that trying to share the microscopic truth is a vulnerable offering for intimacy.
And how it’s going to receive? Either ignored or reframed or fixed or trying to fix or outsmart. By the way, if you knew my experience, steal it all ads will kill the trust.
Yeah. And there’s, like, opening, open, and close. Okay. And so what really works with me, with you, that you model really well. I think one of my favorite things that you say is, okay, well, can you tell me more? Yeah, that’s one of my favorite things, because then I know one that you’re listening to me, that you’re receiving what I have to say. And I think what really makes this so potent for me is your curiosity.
I’m like, Oh, he wants to know more. Yeah, okay, well, now I feel comfortable opening up and maybe even dropping, like, a layer deeper of, like actually, well, this comes from here, and this is what happened. And so it’s like, at first, I’m putting testers out, and it’s like, am I being received? Am I being held in this? And then once I get the signal, like, yes, you are. And then I’m like, okay, I can drop even deeper. So yeah, that phrase can you tell me more? Yeah, that phrase really super potent, folks.
It’s so funny because it’s so simple. And when you go to communication classes, that’s why they say they train coaches to go, like, just say tell me more. And it’s kind of disconnected, but the way you transmitted your experience through it, I hope, makes it way more real.
Right. And that’s why I like, yeah.
Also eye contact.
Yeah. So presence.
Presence, eye contact, body language. Is this person, like, arms crossed, like, slightly turned away from me? Are they, like, leaning in? Are they engaging with me? That also makes me feel safe and with telling the microscopic truth. I recently went through something with a really close friend from Lightning in a Bottle.
Yeah, I was about to prompt you with that because it was such a beautiful review.
She’s young. She has no experience. She didn’t do any workshops or anything, but her natural response was different.
I know. And so she had had an experience out there that allowed her to not show up in the work environment in the way that she wanted to.
She had completely overwhelmed and exhausted, and she was like, I can’t do this.
Yeah. And it was such a high intensity.
It was a rough environment experience.
That, for me, it was like, oh, my gosh. An employee doesn’t want to work. Oh, fuck. How am I going to cover up for this employee? All these other logistical things came to my mind, and so I started to feel really angry at that person. It’s like, hot, it’s dusty. We’ve been probably working, like, already 80 hours that week, like some crazy intense environment. And then the cherry on top was like, well, I can’t work anymore.
The person is falling apart.
What? You’re falling apart right now. Why aren’t you holding it together? And so we didn’t sit and talk out there because it was just too intense of an environment. But when we came home, we did sit down, and she was able to share her experience.
And I want to say it was a little comfortable to not address it for a week.
Yeah, I was bleeding. We were, like, in Santa Cruz on vacation.
But people address triggers and that kind of stuff differently. Some people want to hash it out right away, but I’ve learned with you that if you have some time to sit with it, then the charge is going to be less and you’re going to have time for self refraction. And so your communication is way smoother and truer. I want to say more from the heart and your core than if it’s, like, right away because the charge come out all abrasive.
Yeah, that’s true. And I’m also someone who, when something comes up, I do usually want to hash it out right away just so I can, like I don’t know, I get kind of anxious of like, is it not okay with their friendship? But something I’m, like, learning through time is, like, exactly what you just said. If it’s not to just sit with it and process it, and that being shared. I never go longer than a week.
It’s not something that’s like, months of processing unless you’re my dad.
So usually within a week to talk about this or even a day or so. Yeah, but what helps you? I’m curious. Tell the microscopic truth more.
Yeah, what helps me the most is my own attitude. So I need to sit for a minute with it because if I’m overtaken by the trigger, then it’s going to come out abrasive, and it’s going to come out as out. My problem is you. It’s out there. My problem is outside there. Right. So I’m going to blame something or somebody. Right. So if I take a chance to sit with it for a minute, that gives me the space and the opportunity to own it. To own. So first, okay, I’m going to go a little more inside. And now instead of going, like, blame, you make me angry. I go like, wow, I can feel my anger bubbling inside of me. So it gives me, like I use my own tools and gives me a minute. Now I can do it really fast before it would take weeks at least, and I would have to write it as a letter or an email because speaking in real time was catastrophic. But now I’ve integrated that. Now I’m very fast for me now, instead of being like a blame and accusing, it’s an owning so I feel angry or I feel furious or I feel we had a little episode when you said that.
So we were in a hotel room and visiting family in Montana, and we had to perform a task for health department, whatever, and the interaction was not working for me. So what I did is I stepped away and I let it finished. And when it was done, usually I would not say anything and just swallow it and move along and for days. But in that moment, I was like, I got to tell my truth, right? I mean, my way is to own it and say I feel furious, I feel triggered. I feel enraged right now. It’s like I want to break something. Okay, but I’m not saying you’re such an asshole for treating me this way, right? I say I feel furious. Like the way the communication does not work for me, whether it’s from you or from anybody, right. This type of communication does not work for me. And so I’m owning what’s working for me, what’s not working for me, my emotions, okay? So I can express it. So I hope in this way she’s on the receiving end of a lot of energy.
Yeah, it’s like what it is. I’m going to go take a shower, right? Be in that for a second.
So I’m trying not to burn it up anymore. I’m trying to express it, but instead of being blaming and accusing and this is your fault, well, it comes out, but it comes out as this is my state right now. Okay? And then once you take the shower, drink some water.
I’m going to let you breathe.
But at least the chart is out and I hope it’s not hurting in terms of passing the potato, the hot potato, like, I feel terrible, so hey, here it is. So I don’t feel terrible anymore because this is all your fault anyways.
I’m going to make you feel terrible because I feel terrible.
Exactly. So my way is first to express my truth in the moment by owning it the best I can without making the other responsible for it, right? So then when that first truth is out and expressed, then we can sit down and look a little more on how did we get there. What I don’t like is defensiveness or pass it back like ping pong. It’s like I pass it to you and go back to me.
Actually, I was going to say something on that. If you are wanting to share your microscopic truth with somebody and you don’t want them to take it personally because it is a practice to get up there to that state where just, like, you don’t take things personally, you can always preface the conversation with something of a request of like, okay, I’m going to share my truth. I would appreciate space to share my truth with you right now, and I just want you to know that it has nothing to do with you.
And some deeper things are coming up for me right now.
And then you can ask this person, like, hey, can you get into a listening mindset? And that person can fully jump into the listener point of view and know, like, okay, this person might share some hot stuff right now, but it doesn’t have to like, I don’t need to take it on.
Well, if you can share a family like that, that’s great, and have the same kind of message, even if there’s charge. And so, again, going back to owning, I feel charged, I feel triggered. My truth right now is that this rupture and so I would like to express it. I don’t want to make you wrong for it. Is there a way that you can hear me maybe without defensiveness and without taking it personally? I would really like to be heard and express things. And I’m going to do my best to not blame you for what’s happening for me, so that you can hold it. I understand. If I blame you, then you’re going to feel defensive. That’s natural.
Yeah, definitely. The ownership is huge in delivery, something I’m definitely still trying to work on, especially when there’s a lot of charge. How do I not come out with, like, still carry the energy of the charge but not blame?
Yeah. For me expressing the charge, and it’s like a power plant or like an explosion going, okay, so I have the energy, what do I do with it? So either I direct it to the other person, which is blame, or I own it. Like, bam. Okay, I’m going to express my emotions, and I’m going to try my best to express it as much as I can and blame the other as minimum as I can.
And so I think this is where people kind of get in the spiritual community. I hear a lot of like, well, anger is like, no, it’s fine.
Terrible emotion accepts you. Anger.
Yeah, that’s just bullshit. Anger is a completely valid emotion. But where it does get tricky is the ownership of the anger. Like, I feel angry.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy to practice.
I hope it all makes sense. So of course, there’s two parts. So we’re talking about intimacy, right?
So intimacy means we’re going to have to open up to the other. Right. The thing is, if I’m trying to be perfect and the other one is trying to hold it all together, then how much intimacy are we sharing? Right. Not much. Right. So all about going back to intimacy is feeling safe, to trusting that we receive for who we are means we’re going to have to share who we are. And that’s not being perfect. That’s moment to moment. That’s having breakdown for no reason, apparently no reason. After doing a lot of shadow work and a lot of trauma work, now, I’m pretty fast at spotting where my anxiety or depression may come from. But if you’re on the beginning of that path or even the middle of that path, it can be very confusing. But even that being perfect means or I should have already figured it out so I can’t communicate it until I figure it out. No, the thing is now, in wherever you are at, can you communicate whatever your truth is in the moment? It might mean, like, I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way. I don’t understand why I want to blame you.
I don’t understand. Yeah, the truth might be like, I’m stacking up resentment and for some reason I want to blow up this relationship and I have conflicting parts.
Yeah. And it’s like you’re on the receiving end of that from your partner. And you hear that for me, it just puts me in my heart of like, wow, this person is really going through something. It sounds like they really want to figure it out. I really want to love them through this. And so in that way, by telling the microscopic truth, you’re actually creating more intimacy and these moments that we’ve all been programmed to maybe push away or like, oh, that’s really vulnerable, or like, Oh, that’s really scary to share. Like, how am I going to be accepted if I share this truth that I’m judging to be, like, awful and ugly? Yeah, that just goes back to the title of our podcast, should You Tell the Microscopic Truth?
I don’t know if I have the book. Yeah, so that’s why it shows on the book. They still join. Right.
You want to disguise it for people watching.
He’s in confusion or is angry. He’s just exploding in some way, but instead of blowing it at her, he’s like, what the hell about owning it? And then she’s like, Wow, I can hear you. Tell me more. Right. So that’s why I chose this drawing, because it kind of embodies, this idea. You said you came back with a new blueprint from out there. Can you voice it? Is there a way you can voice it right now?
It’s kind of like a longer share, but for me going out to this to share my microscopic tree, I’m going to practice what I’m preaching here. Yeah. Going out to this festival was the summary of the past two years that we’ve been together, especially with my transition from a maiden to mother, which is also interesting because our son is turning 18 months, which is a year and a half, which I’ve talked to other moms, and they also have a similar experience around like, 16 1718 months like, wow, I’m a mom. That’s not going anywhere.
Can we return it?
Acceptance of like, okay, I’m never going back to this maiden hood. And being a mother requires a totally new paradigm. It requires a totally new mindset. It requires totally new blueprints. So I can do this. So I can be a mom and really the best mom that I can be. I was like, okay, yeah, it’s just, like, really huge acceptance piece for me of like, yeah, I’m a mom. I’m a mom. I own a business. Going out there with going to a festival with my toddler, that’s hard. Going out to a festival with my business, that’s hard. And then adding the toddler and the business altogether.
And you are managing the crew and.
Managing a crew of six other people making 50 burritos beforehand, like, are we going to have enough food out there? Are we going to have enough water? Are we going to have enough shade structure? And having the help of my teammates.
And everybody is very positive. Yes, but everybody has their own personality.
Yes, everyone has their own personality. Some people are morning people. Some people are night people. It’s like, okay, how do we make this experience? How do we put everyone into a place where they all shine, where their talents are at, and like, yeah, just, like, trying to come up with that. And yeah, for me, it was this, like, season finale, so to say, because my friends and I always joke, like, yeah, we’re just reality reality stars and reality TV shows.
We should be on Netflix.
And so for me, going out there was a season finale of like, okay, yeah, you have this business. Yeah, you have this toddler, and you have these communities. How do you weave all three of these together into a lifestyle? So, like, okay, we’re not just doing this first eight days at a music festival, but how do we make this our life? How do we integrate all these tiny pieces and going out there with community in a way that people were like, yeah, I’ll take Cedar. I’ll watch him right now. Like, okay, I need to run to Costco. Can someone play with Cedar? And everyone being like, yeah, give them to me, or give them to me. And it’s like, oh, my gosh. Sometimes I really struggle finding a baby sitter and then going out there and people being so willing to just hang out with him, it’s like, okay, I can bring this back to my everyday life. I want to bring this back. I want people to show up in service in this way for my family. Like, this is a need for me. And then going out there and having our business be so abundant, like, people I don’t know if you’ve ever had our crepes, but let me just tell you, going out to a music festival and coming across the crepe stand at, like, 02:00 a.m. When everyone else is closed.
Everyone else closed at 10:00 p.m.. And being the only ones open and serving crepes and people, they have, like, an hour wait, an hour and a half wait. It’s like, this is crazy. And people were still like, Yeah, still are they? I remember coming across this one guy who was a photographer because he was working for the event, and he was giving us the vendor tokens, and he was like, I have two of these every night. And it’s like, Wow, okay. And just this affirmation that we’re creating an experience with our trailer, and it appears that we have two separate businesses. Right. It appears they even have different names. Relationship Alchemy, Olivier, Organic, French Crepes. But really, our two businesses are just different sides of the coin.
We’re still doing the same thing of, like, lovebombing people bringing intimacy and nourishing growth and transformation. Growth and transformation. Yeah. And providing nourishment and providing a space for people to go through these transitions and a space to integrate the transitions that they’ve been through. And I was like, Wow, I’ve reached a whole new stage in my life, and coming home, I feel so much more comfortable. Okay. And I think an external sign of that is my acne clearing up.
Yeah. I think an external sign of that.
Is like, yeah, I’ve seen it carried out, but I did not put it together. You did.
It’s a whole process. Now that there’s not so much inner turmoil, I can like, okay, how do I want to make this vision bigger? How do I want to do it differently? How do I want to integrate these things from this really intense music festival experience into my everyday life? And so you guys just got that direct upgrade, and so I hope you guys are looking forward to all the juicy, beautiful topics that will be bringing back with us.
Yeah, we’re going to wrap it up, but quickly. It was the same for me, and especially three days in, we realized that the way we had set this up was not working. And so we stopped everything, and we sat in circle, and that’s what I brought. I brought, okay, let’s hear everybody’s microscopic truth.
Unfiltered. Go for it. Tell us your joy, but also your challenges. If you had any resentment about anybody, just open it out. And from everybody opening out and us holding it together, not personally, not blaming, not defending, not well, but you should, because you’re not enough, and you should step out, whatever. Now that we were receiving, listening, and then we revamped the thing. So then from that knowledge, we’re like, okay, this is what you should do. What would serve everything? What would serve this festival? And each person and we need to know the microscopic truth, each person in order to remap the things that it would work for everybody. And then from that, it opened into something that did work, a whole new experience that we could not have predicted or even dreamt of without going through that experience. And so I think the magic was being able to admit that the way we had set it up was not working, owning that it was our responsibility and our faults, but not as we fucked it up, okay? We did not see this coming. We need to evaluate everything. And so now let us know each person how you feel so that we can come up with something that works for everybody, so we can reevaluate and come up with a new game plan.
So instead of hiding, going like, okay, this is my truth, and we’re not perfect. We all shared our mistakes and nonprofit and from that came out an outcome that nobody could have thought of or predicted in advance. So that’s why I think it’s the magic. Should you tell microscopic truth? Hell yeah. It’s very powerful.
On that note, on that note, if you loved this podcast, please give us a five star rating and please consider leaving us a review. And as always, if you know someone that could benefit from the message that we’re sharing, please pass it on to them. We love getting more listeners and yeah, we’re going to come back next week.
And sharing our truth.
Sharing our truth. Yeah, we’ll be back next week. If it’s even juicier topic, I don’t know how that’s possible. All right, be kind and be well. Bye.