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Relationships: 3 Secrets to Greater Connection and Intimacy

    Discover 3 Secrets to Greater Connection and Intimacy. Through our personal journey, we’ve discovered 3 modalities that work well together and address all potential relationship issues.

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    Olivier, Jordan, here we are. This is fun. I’m excited. Thanks for asking me to have a conversation this evening. So what I understand is you’ve got a class that’s coming up on September 29 around intimacy in conscious communication. And it’s a workshop for 2 hours from six to 08:00 p.m. At the Virgil. I’m curious. I’d love to learn more about it. And I’m excited for the conversation today.

    Yeah, we are very excited about this upcoming workshop. And, yeah, we love intimacy, and we love conscious communication. We love bringing together people who have for values, empathy, kindness, choosing healing over punishment, for example, stuff like that self reflection. So that’s what we’re bringing together.

    I thank you for bringing it to Reno. I feel like the community means something like this. So I’m just very appreciative.

    Thank you.

    Okay. So we were chatting a little bit before, and we were talking about this whole idea that I guess, the way that you look at relationships and kind of like the secret to greater intimacy, that there’s kind of three components to it. Is that right. So.

    I hit this in 2001 before that, who teaches us about intimacy, about sex, about communication, about our parents? Maybe we have a lot of friends, if you ask them, what did you learn from your family? Well, pretty much go disfunctional reason.

    You mean probably most people around the world. So don’t feel like you’re.

    So if you’re lucky, your parents taught you a couple of things. But we see a lot of people that didn’t happen. School does not teach that. Church doesn’t teach. I don’t know.

    I don’t.

    He’s French.

    So it’s assuming the society that we don’t need to learn it. It’s like love making, you know, it’s like we assume you have talent or you don’t. Right. And I believe we have to learn this. There’s a whole bag of tools that are very useful. And so over the course, I mean, since 2001 have hit those three modalities that I would like to talk about. That I think are essential. They go very well together. And so far, I haven’t seen anybody putting them together. Usually workshop headers or authors DAC, one thing, this one thing like nonviolent communication or conscious communication or this one thing authentic as that’s authentic relating, authentic reading.

    The one thing you need. The only one thing you need is authentic reading. I believe it’s not true. My prior experience is that relationship takes a lot of layers. Right. Like talking about soul growth, raising consciousness. Well, you know, I can go in the cave and meditate for a few years, but, you know, get into a relationship. And I think that’s, like, the highest learning curve. I.

    Love that resonates with me because I always think of this idea that you kind of go out and you learn a bunch of different modalities or things that there are tools in your toolbox that you can then use at different parts of your life. And what I love hearing in what you just said is that you’re like, look, I’ve gone and I’ve studied. I’ve tried a lot of different things in relationships, and I know your relationship is still new and blossoming and beautiful. And to hear that this is kind of what’s been working for the two of you together, that these together or kind of like that combination that works really well for you.

    That’s great. So we chat a little bit, I guess. Can I say those three things?

    I would have to go one at a time possible.

    Yeah, we’ll do on time. Just tell me at all. Right. Now I can’t wait. I want to know everything about this. Okay. So when we were chatting, it was the first modality is Tantra. Is that right?

    Tantra would be the first.

    Okay. Fantastic. The second one. Are we going to put up another sign for the second one to relate?

    Yeah. Okay. So the second one is non violent communication.

    Okay.

    And the third one is if internal family assistance.

    Okay.

    And for me to, like, twelve years of Tantra and then four years of nonviolent communication and then two years of internal family systems, three years. Even so, it was not like the whole thing at once. It was like, I think I found a thing and then finding the shortcomings and fading a lot of our relationships like, oh, my goodness. How much do you know about relationship? What’s your degree? Well, it’s like I fail that relationship ten times. Fantastic. That’s my PhD.

    Is it failing or is it just your practice you practice or you’re just out living, right? And as you go through it, you’re discovering new things about yourself and being in relation to others, right?

    Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I call it like, excruciating hard breaks. But every time it was so much, I feel that the learning through the good things and so much learning from the mistakes in the term. So I didn’t know better.

    Well, it’s exciting.

    What’s your experience with excruciating heartbreak?

    Oh, man. I feel like I’ve been experiencing excruciating heartbreak since I was, like, 17. You’re in high school. And I feel like, especially as women were taught to our Prince Charming is coming. We have that expectation. The print always fault tries to rescue the Princess. That’s something I definitely played out in my life many times. But, yeah, excruciating heartbreak. And there’s something also so beautiful about that heartbreak. And you’re like, oh, I’m feeling so deeply right now. So I’ve definitely had my share heartbreak. Not as much as you.

    But I think every time I don’t know about you. But every time I learned a little more about codependency, about lack of boundaries, about communication miscommunication. And for me, it’s so important to stay authentic and honest. And I’ve learned how much the English language and even like, the French language, the way we taught the way we’re taught language structures thoughts. And so the way we structure language teaches a way to think. But also it creates a way of thinking. And from that way of thinking, then words come out in the way that in a certain way.

    And so either we part of the global programming, the mainstream programming, and we talk like, everybody, which is like, you put this, respect me. And do you love me anymore? And so there’s a lot of projection that a lot of criticism implied criticism. Things like that that seem normal seems even natural. It’s not natural. It’s habitual, which is very different. It’s a habit. It’s not natural. And so until we start understanding what’s going, what is consciousness? It’s like, okay, conscious communication, like, we are part of the Reno conscious tribe.

    Let’s be all conscious. Right. Let’s raise consciousness. What does it mean? Does it freaking mean? So does it mean because I put some meditation, music and I sell my ten minutes that I’m more conscious. That’s not the way I see it. I okay. Maybe it is, but that’s not my rating. My rating is like, okay, imagine a situation. You have a three year kid, or you have to take care of a three year old for an hour, and the three year old runs in the street following the ball where there are cards.

    So that’s the situation. The ways to address the situation. The first way would be to, like, run to the child, like, never do that again. And Sladen, like, do you’re bad? You’re bad. Right. So for me, that’ll be unconscious. Very unconscious. Because what’s happening is that I got scared. The child does not know any better. I got scared. And so I’m not even conscious of my fear. And I’m putting my fear as a punishment on the child. Right. So that’s very unconscious because I’m not conscious of what’s happening with the China.

    I’m not conscious about what’s happening with myself. Okay. So that would be the mainstream, unconscious, unconscious way toward the situation. The other extreme would be the bypassing way, which is, oh, it’s his task, the Chile on this task, and whatever happens, happens.

    It’S meant to be right. Yeah.

    You would mention be right.

    Okay.

    I’m still in say that again.

    I’m not going to get involved, right?

    Yeah. Whichever way we get involved is perfect because, well, one, everything is perfect for me. That’s an abandonment of our power. It’s very disempowering. Those two approaches for me are actually not conscious. The conscious way is to understand what’s going on in me and what’s going on in the other person. Right. So what’s going on in the child is that the child is playful and he wants to explore. Okay. So it feels joyful, playful, and his need is for play. Okay. My need is for protection. Right.

    And if the child is not protected, that need is not met. And therefore, I’m gonna have some feelings, such as scared, protective, agitated anxious. Okay. Can I be conscious of what’s happening in me before anything comes out of my mouth? So I grabbed the child. It’s like, stay with me. I have to get you down. You know, that was really scary for me. This situation was really scary for me. I’m not putting on the child. I’m owning my own feelings because I’m conscious of them. I got really scared because when you run in the street, it can be dangerous, and my role is to protect you.

    What I’m hearing. I’m sorry. Go ahead.

    So it’s easy to imagine the situation with a child, but it’s the same with the partner. It’s the same at work. So your parents with your own family. So it’s easy to understand when it’s a child because everybody can relate to that. But imagine your ex that you have to co parent with and stuff like that. It’s the same. That’s what we call consciousness.

    What I’m hearing in that is just taking ownership for your own feelings and being very clear with your communication about that. And that opens up a dialogue to have a conversation about that. So that was beautiful. You’re right.

    First being aware of what’s happening in me and in them and then communicating from there.

    I’m thinking back to what you talked about, right? When we first started this, just about how we learn communication just by observing in our in our families and out in the world. And you’re right. It’s amazing to think that we’ve never had a type of school or any type of courses growing up and how to deal with this and how to recognize the emotions that are coming up for yourself and then being able to think about, how does that impact me? And then how does that impact the other people that I’m with?

    Right. And when I’m here from a conscious standpoint, is really being aware of that impact on someone else, right?

    If I go at her and criticize her the time vice versa. Instead of being aware of me, I put my fears and my anxiety and everything that I’m trying to achieve and hold. I put it on her, and then you’re not doing enough. You’re lazy, immature, everything even think without saying, because even if you’re thinking, you don’t say it, it’s still there, right? And the person can send over. I don’t know if they didn’t say anything, but there’s something we’re doing on. So thoughts create the world to create our emotions and our thoughts create our reality.

    So, yeah, it’s this whole process of learning how to do that. That I think is fundamental to relationships. And I think reationship are fundamental in our world. If your relationship is good, then things realign around that. It’s harder if you achieve greatness in your work and then you try to squeeze in relationship, it’s going to be harder than focusing on a whole, like connection, relationship, family, and then things aligning from that.

    It takes work if there’s intention that needs to happen when in relationships. So I’m really curious to explore a little bit more about each of these modalities. So could we go through them and maybe talk about each one? I mean, I’m really curious about the workshop that you’re doing and kind of how those three fit in. And let’s say I was to show up kind of what I would walk away from that workshop, learning and how I would incorporate that into my life.

    First of all, what are you going to say with that?

    I was going to say I was going to say, let’s go for number one. But I wasn’t sure if you wanted to say something else at first.

    Like in 2 hours, we can’t address everything about relationship.

    They’re all the secrets in 2 hours.

    I’m not going to walk out being a relationship expert at the end of 2 hours.

    I’m just going to put my hand on your head and you’re going to get a receiver download, then in 2 hours or you going to resolve all my relationships.

    Be perfect from then on out. Okay. I love it.

    So we’re gonna start opening the conversation on intimacy. What it is for you. You’re gonna map out what you want in your intimacy and what you don’t want. Okay. And then we’re gonna open the door on communication. But this is just the start. We’re gonna have like a bimonthly class for learning techniques and practicing. So it’s like any discipline, like martial art or painting or musical instruments if you put some consistency into it, you know. Well, we quickly fall back to all habits. Right? So this is like a start and then we’re gonna have those series of classes.

    By the way, I’ve done all three of those that you just referenced. And I completely understand that you have to practice. So I get it.

    You’ve done is oh, haven’t done ifs. No, no, no.

    Why are the three things that you just mentioned from musical instruments?

    Oh, yes.

    Sorry, I’ve not. No, no, no. This is all new to me. I mean, yeah. Please tell me more.

    Some people know about one. Usually it’s like people know about one. And so the people that know about is they usually don’t even know about Tantra. The people who know about Tantra don’t talk to me about trauma. So if don’t care. And so it’s like a wide spectrum that we’re bringing together. And I think the three of them are the most powerful thing. They’re the most powerful things that I found that’s exciting. Alright.

    Do you want to die on truck, please? Can we talk about Ah, here we go. I was already ready for this before when I said number one.

    Yeah. What’s your understanding of?

    Yeah. So for me, I started off with Tantra is probably about like 22 because I was searching for a greater sex slide. There had to be more to sex than what I had learned, which is mostly from porn. You know, like you said at the beginning, we don’t have love making classes. There’s no education brought to us, except, in my case, abstinence don’t have sex at all.

    Right. So you have a background of yes.

    I have a background. I grew up extremely conservative Catholic. So, you know, the long skirts don’t move your hips like, yeah. I was really taught that sex was only for making a baby, which is really, really heavy to put on a twelve year old girl who is just getting her period.

    Yeah. What about self like?

    Yeah.

    I mean, we won’t even go into that. So. Yeah, for Tantra, I was looking for just more depth to my sex life at this time in my life, I was fell a bit, and I think I stumbled across it on the Internet. Probably. I think I was like, Googling something. At this point in my life, I was in orgasmic with a partner. I could orgasm by myself, but not with someone else. And what I really liked about Tantra was that it was really different from the American education that I had received of orgasm.

    Is it like orgasm? Everything is orgasm focused and goal oriented, goal oriented. Tantra taught me. It’s more about the journey. It’s more about having fun going down, slowing down. Yeah. Just not the thrusting and my partner is satisfied. But I’m here not satisfied. But then also tying, like, intimacy into that. I was searching for deeper intimacy. Two at the time. You know, you put intimacy and Tantra together and you’re just going to have a fantastic sex life or intimate life.

    Yeah. What is intimacy for me? Intimacy is the quality of connection. And so it’s the opposite of were strangers or were surface level. There’s a depth of discovery of knowing what the other like doesn’t like knowing my own likes and and flags no boundaries, knowing to ask for what I want. All that is part of intimacy. I know this person very well, and we are very different. Like, in some ways, we come together a lot, but in a lot of ways, we’re really different. We have different backgrounds.

    We have French from very different cultures. And so it’s how we find flow and connection through those differences and through the similarities and the differences. Right. So what is Tantra for those who don’t know at all? Tantra is one of the eight paths of yoga. So this Asana yoga, which is like, the postures, is back to yoga, like what you do. So chance and being one with through devotion. And one of them is Tantra. Tantra yoga is a path of non rejection. Okay. So I’m a sexual being, which means I’m not going to reject my sexuality.

    I have a body, which means I’m not going to reject my body. Everything is spiritual. My body is spiritual, my emotions, my thoughts, everything that we live in a spiritual world for growth, enforce a spiritual experience. So a lot of religions have dogmas. So there’s always for a religion, there’s a mystical path, and there’s a dogma path. And often what is taught is the dogma parts. And usually they reject something. Christianity, a lot of Christianity, I’m generalizing it’s not every question, but the dogma of Christianity tends to reject pleasure.

    For example, a lot of more modern spirituality paths rejects, like meditation is about, you know, transcending the body and being one with God, which means not in the body. Right. So that there’s a rejection there Tantra is a path of non rejection, which means our growth is through our human experience, through our emotion or sensations, which is equally pleasure and displeasure, as equally as a path to learn and to grow spiritually. And I came across this because I had a wall when I was 20, when I was 30.

    I had been in celebrate, not in a relationship for three years, but not by choice. I don’t know. I was like, I don’t know what’s going on, but no, something is wrong. I cannot have a relationship or satisfying the relationship. I don’t even know how to do this anymore. And so I found Tantra, and it was an explosion for me of a complete rewiring. And finally, something that made sense. It was such a validation for me to find Tantra. Any questions about Tantra? What’s your experience about it?

    Well, I’m familiar with Tantra. So what you said resonated with me. And I guess my question to you would be, how is that improved? I guess your intimacy between the two of you guys. And as you were to teach this to other people, I guess what would you want to share with them, specifically, from the top? Because the Tantra pascet is big, right? You can see contract for years and years and years. You a very deep into the deep intimacy side of it, the sexual side of it, and then also the communication.

    So I’m just curious as to what what would you explore in this workshop? From the Tantra side of it?

    So for me, Tantra three levels. There’s the physical level, which is skin to skin. There’s the emotional level. And there’s the energetical or energetic level. Right. So if I want a better intimacy, better pleasure. And I only Rob, you know, it’s like only skin to skin, but in my motions, I’m not worthy of pleasure. For example, then I’m going to hit a wall. So we work on the physical level. We work on the emotional level to unpack whatever is blocked or to really dive into who we are.

    We discover who we are. And then there’s the energetic level, which is to understand how to run energy. So I can have a whole intimate experience with my lover or my wife or my wife or with the stranger, without penetration, even without removing my clothes and have a very intimate and deep, pleasurable experience, whole experience only on the energy level. And so those three layers are important to be aware of and practice. What would be your answer? How did that improve our intimacy?

    Wow. I’m gonna talk for that for hours. But the short answer. Yeah. I mean, for us, it’s important to have a deep, deep, intimate life, so much so that we’ve structured our business around. You know, our everyday life is structured around how intimate can we be with each other? We have our son theater, how available and how present can we be for him? So intimacy runs our life. I would say I’m an intimacy slut. I love intimacy. At this point in my life, I cannot have superficial relationship.

    There has to be some, you know, that deep, GUI, chocolate chip feeling. That’s what I describe Intinan. Yeah. In our relationship, I think Tantra has been monumental. From the moment we met, we met at a contact improv dance class, and then both of us with our Tantra skills, we connected on that energetic level right away.

    And.

    Ever since then, we’ve dived into the emotional levels together, especially with me. Like, coming from an in orgasmic past, you know, wanting to receive pleasure. There’s a lot of emotional blocks for me. I mean, the physical is fun. You know, that’s why we’re humans, you know, living a human experience, wanting to enjoy our sexuality, wanting to enjoy our physical form, meeting in a dance class that’s so physical, so sensual.

    It was awesome to discover each other without words. It’s like, where you come from. Do you like dogs or cats? Were you not?

    There was no talking in the class. Everything was pure physics, like physical and energetics. How do you communicate to someone without talking?

    How do you show who you are?

    How do you show who you are? Which works extremely well for us because we’re both very shy, you know, especially in a more intimate setting. We’re not one necessarily to jump in. And, like, let’s talk about our whole life. So for us, that was huge, just being able to discover each other through movement and energy. And I guess in our everyday life, bringing that, you know, we also own a food truck. You know, when we’re in the food trailer together, it’s it’s fun to, like, sit and play with each other’s energy and not necessarily be touching or kissing as we’re serving creates.

    Yeah. It goes all that energy goes into creating life. So whether it’s at home, at the food truck or workshops, coaching people or discovering people’s life, it’s just one thing. It’s like the creative.

    Sperrylite ship. What I’m hearing is it just it flows into everyday life and how you interact, that’s beautiful. So I’d love to dive into the second point if you’re open to that. So nonviolent communication, right? Yeah. So now we’re jumping into the actual communication between two people or a group of people. Tell me a little bit more about this.

    So it was in 2012. I recently landed in California, and I was in reationship with that woman who was also in Tantra, and we were having huge arguments. It was explosive and passionate, and we were having those huge argument, and she said, no, you need to learn how to talk to me. Nonviolent communication. So she took me to a workshop. It was her friend Scott Katama teaching. And so she wanted me to learn non biocommunication so I could stop talking to her in a critical way or in a more like, rounded way.

    Okay. And the first thing I learned is what is to be triggered. I even didn’t have any consciousness about when I’m triggered and when I’m not. Although I had done, like, twelve years of Tantra, I was still unaware of certain things on that level. The first teaching of nonviolent communication is to differentiate our thoughts, our feelings and our needs. Every time that I do something that we do something, it comes from needs, from feelings and some thoughts. The thing is, we relate a lot to each other, but we’re also very different.

    And so I can have an opinion on something. And she can have an opinion on something, too, on the same thing. That’s very different. And so we can argue forever. Right? Who’s gonna be right? Who’s gonna pull the best arguments and win the case in court? Yeah. So if we communicate mostly through our thoughts, then this is when a lot of the relationship issues happen. But if we understand and drop into our feelings and communicate from our feelings. So, for example, direct an example.

    What’s the example that we.

    You know, it’s like I if I take an example and I say she left in the middle of the conversation, that’s the fact that’s the situation okay. One person might feel like abandoned or disrespected. What I was a middle of something I’m disregarded. That would be my feeling, another person, my field relieved. Like. So I did not know how to say stop to this because I’m running late for my next thing. Okay. So the same situation can generate different feelings. So if I say, you know, I feel sad or I feel joyful or I feel anxious.

    Our son is going back to the hospital in a few weeks, and we can argue on what date or what he should have or not have, should it get plants or surgery? What not? We can argue on the thought and the strategies. Okay. Faults and strategies, analysis and strategies a very useful for solving problems. But this is all thoughts. But if I say I’m feeling really anxious about what’s coming up and also excited because it’s a great opportunity for a better life for my son, then can you relate to me?

    You know, if I express what’s in my heart, it’s going to be easier to relate. And then if I can explain what I need or my values or why this is important for me. For example, for the surgery, it’s imported that physical safety and autonomy. Autonomy for us for him is important, right? Because I have this need for autonomy, for life, for wholeness of physical integrity. As I’m going to the hospital, I feel very anxious but excited at the same time. Nobody can argue with that because it’s not thoughts.

    It’s fielding and needs. So that’s really why I learned about my communication that if I can say, let’s take the food truck thing and you were doing some tasks and I was doing some tasks and you were finishing earlier than me. And I would say it’s. It’s important that we both finished together early and when I’ve more tasked, I feel exhausted. Okay. So can you relate to that now? We can maybe find a win win solution. You know, we don’t move into the solution before connecting through feelings and needs.

    First connection connection. If we stay on the thoughts, we can argue forever, we can go to court, and whoever is going to overpower find a better argument is going to win the case, and we feel disconnected. There’s a winner. There’s a loser, this one demanding. So when there’s a demand, the other can either submit or rebel. So this creates this connection. The path that we found for connection is through be aware and communicating through feelings and needs.

    I really hear the awareness, but I also hear the vulnerability in that as well, too. Right. Being very open with the experience that you’re having. And then I it sounds like asking for what you might need in this situation, and you’re right. Then it just comes in. Can we have a conversation around this? Because this is important to me, and I value what’s important to you as well, too.

    And the vulnerability leads to more intimacy, right?

    Yeah. Exactly.

    That’s feeding. That the intimacy monster inside of me. I want to hear your experience. I want to hear your feelings. I want to hear your needs, especially in partnership, when you’re joining your life with someone and, you know, possibly raising kids like these things are super important to learn and to here. And I know when he hears my feelings, I feel valued. I feel valued. I feel understood. I feel seen. I feel heard all of those our core means for me.

    So you touched on two really important things that I think about a lot is, can you help the other person feel seen and heard really at the end of the day and being able to put your own thoughts and feelings aside for a moment to be able to really locate with that person. Beautiful. All right. I’m excited about number three. Unless you get the yeah.

    If internal is what is it? Well, after twelve years of Tantra and four years of NOMB in communication, I realized that there was something that was not addressed and that is trauma. So I was around the committee of conscious people who were more like around nonviolent communication. And they would call, you know, when if I’m upset and clearly, maybe it’s about you a little bit. But it sounds like there’s more. They would call it a veil of past pain. That’s very beautiful and poetic. But now I would call it what it is, which is a trauma.

    And trauma is not a disease. It’s like people going to therapy are not sick people or mentally disarranged people everybody should know. I mean, I did two years straight of weekly therapy. It was life changing. It was so validating in ways that it rebalanced things that I learned crooked sideways, like to dependent ways until somebody was really like holding a pillar of consciousness on wholeness. Now I could understand that really helped me understand what was out of balance and what was in balance. And so that little boy that was abused verbally emotionally by his grandmother that still lives in me.

    When I would hear criticism, I would become that little boy again, six year old, ten year old. And I would either defend or run away, or I need to change my reationship. This is not the right reationship, right? And the other person with it totally nuts about it. You’re running away from me. So attachment, attachment can be connecting or excruciating. Right. So internal family systems is a beautiful beautiful. I’ve tried investigated a lot of them. An internal family systems is one of the most holistic and profound that I found.

    Acknowledge that we have different voices and therefore different parts inside of ourselves. You know, part of me feel excited, but pardon me, feel scared. Okay. So me I’m not like a whole of different voices. You know, part of me wants to par through and part of me feel scared and overwhelm and does not know what to do, okay. And so instead of squashing the second one and powering through or the second one taking over, and I’m not even capable of powering through anymore. I’m a loser.

    So we can go into all those beliefs about ourselves. But in packing those different voices and parts, we can find the vulnerable ones. Richard Schwartz called them exiles, which are like my ten year old, my six year old when it was like a beautiful used emotionally by my grandmother and heal that part so that it does not run my life anymore, because otherwise, all my communication, all my thoughts or my belief systems, everything will be linked to that our son when he was born. A problem is intestine.

    You could not prove. So he went through six weeks of hospital. So what does it mean? You know, imagine your ten year old and you realize that the first two months of your life, you almost died. So does it mean that life can destroy you and you can die any moments? Or does that mean that you can survive anything because you’re this powerful being that has decided to be on Earth, and you’re here for your growth. Right. So depending on which we associate with from a traumatic event, it was not at fault.

    It was nobody’s fault. He was born like that. Okay. It’s not his fault. But so he has a trauma, not his fault. He has a trauma. He can either develop a belief system that life is vulnerable and it can die at any moment in life is terrifying. Or he can survive anything in this world. Right. So depending on the billing system, it will communicate differently. Is energy will be different and we interact and is intimate with a partner or other people will be different. Trauma is very important to address.

    And I found this practice absolutely delicious and extremely direct and powerful. Yeah.

    What I like about is for a long time I thought I was crazy. We all hear voices in our head, some more extreme cases than others, which is a whole other topic, by the way, that’s not what I’m referring to. But I felt like I had different personalities almost and is really gave me the words to explain something I had been feeling my whole life internal family systems. So essentially, you hear the voice that comes up and you sit with that part of yourself. So for me, I have my three year old little girl now, and when I go through something scary, she’s the first one to pop up.

    And now I’m at a point where she doesn’t take over my life. And all of a sudden, I’m three and I’m scared. I’m looking at everything with big eyes. Now I can go to that part of myself and sit with her and tell her it’s okay that we’re going through this. We’re going to make it through this together. And then that part of me feels comforted, and I am able to go through my day. You know, it’s not this crisis all of a sudden. So that’s how it’s been helpful for me.

    And also the rebellious teenager that lives inside me who wants to flip people off and stomp and smash things. And I feel like I have the opportunity to see all of these parts of myself which might not have been seen when I was younger, which weren’t seen. And I can gift myself that opportunity. So it’s rewarding on so many levels. Like, I mean, I get to know myself deeper, and then I can go and share that with him as my partner. And then which goes back into nurturing our intimacy and learning more about each other.

    And sometimes we’re having a conversation. And I see that rebellious teenager come up in him and I’m like, okay, I know who we’re talking to now might not be the best time to ask to go on, like, a two week vacation, you know?

    So.

    That’S how it benefits our relationship and our personal lives.

    So we’re not saying that we have a perfect, smooth relationship. We’re saying we bump into things all the time, but with those tools, it always brings us closer to each other than further away. And I think that’s really the key.

    Yeah. That really resonates with me. That what you just said, right. There the fact that and that is creating more intimacy, right? There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. And everyone has got their own, whether it’s trauma or just their own experiences. Right. And then all of sudden, you’re bringing these together in either two people or multiple people. And it’s how do you navigate those waters? And after hearing this, I really get it. I really do hear kind of how these three modalities work together, how they might have help you as an individual heal and also then communicate clearly with your partner.

    And that’s beautiful. So if we can go back to the actual event itself on the 29th. So this is going to be the Virgil on Vaster Street in Reno. And it’s Wednesday, September 29 from six to 08:00 p.m. Is this open to a large group of people? Can you show up as an individual? Is it for couples? Maybe tell me a little bit more about kind of who this is for.

    So it is for singles who are looking for partnership or companionship. You don’t have to. I mean, there’s not one way. Of course, there’s a range and a spectrum. However, intimacy looks like for you is valid, right? It’s also for partners who have part of their reationship. That does not work that well, and they would like to improve it. You know, something I want to mention is that we have a sense of responsibility to clear up our shit so that we don’t transfer that to our son.

    And we don’t want to be like our friends, parents that are this function. We don’t want to be the dysfunctional parents either. So it’s important for us. But it’s also important for our family, namely Carson.

    Right.

    And maybe more if we do this guy.

    How can one sign up for this? Okay.

    Below, buy tickets. It’s $25 for singles and 44 couples. And even if sometimes people ask, I really want to come with my partner, but he or she’s not willing, you know. Well, come anyways, because the shift that you have in you will impact your relationship and maybe shoot a different reality. Open up to a potential different reality. Now, they might can become more curse to what you want to bring in. So just reserve your ticket and you can read the rest of the page. What we’re going to do.

    Who this is for the venue. So explore that page if you feel called to come on to 29. That’s awesome. If you don’t, I recommend you register your email here because we’re going to send you the next dates. Okay. So if you don’t, if you come to this event. You can probably do the 21st or the one after it’s not set in stone yet, but we’re gonna send you the next date after that.

    Are you looking at doing this monthly and it’s on every other week.

    So this Thursday of the month.

    Oh, great.

    Okay.

    And gather, each class is going to kind of build upon each other. So you’re going to complete to learn new things in each of those modalities. So.

    We did contrive retreat. We let the town tree a few months ago, and in the middle of it, like people were saying, well, that sounds awesome. Can we join? And we’re like, no, sorry, the container is closed so you can’t join in. But that’s why this one, you can drop in each one of them separately.

    Okay.

    So it will be continuous every time we learn about a new technique, and we practice. And there’s also open to open questions, but it’s so vast that it needs small chunks, bite size pieces to be able to integrate all this.

    Yeah, I get that. I mean, you’re packing it a lot in 2 hours. And so what’s the website again?

    Yeah. It’s relationship. Alchemy. Com. You can see it’s on your side, actually, up the screen. A relationship alchemy.

    Com to, like, one of my hands. I got right there we go.

    Just above. So you just go to lationship. Alchemy. Com and you end up here, maybe the home page. It’d be like an upcoming event tax somewhere where you can see the next date.

    Fantastic. Well, I’m excited. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to just chat with you about this and learn a little bit more. And I really do see how this can not only help just in an individual, a couple, but then how that ripple effect then goes out of the community and how that really can shift? Just you.

    It’s like people say, twelve. The ideal partnership. I need to find the ideal partner. But are you the ideal partner in the first place? You know, it’s like, do you have your own shit together? You think you do, but maybe you have a couple of things you can learn. You know, if we all learn this better, I think we can all become better partners and create more joyful and connected relationships.

    I’m with you. I’m with you. Thanks so much. Anything else that we wanted to say or I guess we’ll chat another time.

    Yeah.

    All right.

    Thank you, Jared.

    Thank you, Jared.

    You make it fun.

    Thank you. And Jordan, this is a blast. I definitely had a lot of fun chat with you. So take care.

    See you soon.

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