Did you know you have four brains? Nope, this isn’t some sci-fi plot twist—it’s a concept from neuroscience that might just revolutionize how you understand yourself, your partner, and your relationships.
In this episode, Olivier dives into Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s Whole Brain Living to explore:
- Why you have TWO emotional brains and TWO thinking brains
- How understanding them can transform your relationships
- Why your brain might be sabotaging your intimacy (and how to fix it)
Whether you’re a Type-A planner, a dreamy creative, or both, this episode will help you tune into the different voices in your head—and use them to strengthen your connections.
Ready to meet your four brains? Tap play now!
What Are Your Four Brains?
Traditionally, neuroscience lumps the brain into three parts:
- Reptilian Brain: The survival instincts (fight, flight, freeze).
- Limbic System: Your emotional headquarters.
- Neocortex: Your thinking, reasoning brain.
But Dr. Taylor expands this model, breaking the brain into four quadrants, split across the left and right hemispheres. Each quadrant has its own unique “personality.”
Left Thinking Brain: The Type-A Planner
This is your inner organizer. It loves to-do lists, logical debates, and figuring out if you should refinance your mortgage. It’s all about facts, structure, and rules.
- Strength: Planning and analyzing.
- Weakness: Overthinking and perfectionism.
Left Emotional Brain: The Complex Protector
This quadrant dives into past hurts and future anxieties. It’s the voice that says, “Remember that one time you failed? What if it happens again?”
- Strength: Keeps you safe by anticipating threats.
- Weakness: Anxiety and emotional overwhelm.
Right Emotional Brain: The Free Spirit
Welcome to your joyful, present-moment self. This brain loves spontaneity, connection, and chasing butterflies. It’s the kid in you.
- Strength: Living fully in the here and now.
- Weakness: Can ignore practical realities.
Right Thinking Brain: The Buddha Brain
This is the philosopher within. It sees the big picture and feels deeply connected to others and the universe. It doesn’t sweat the small stuff.
- Strength: Helps you feel calm and expansive.
- Weakness: Struggles with deadlines and details.
Why Your Four Brains Matter in Relationships
Ever been in a fight with your partner where logic goes out the window, and suddenly you’re arguing about “who left the light on” from 2012? That’s your left emotional brain taking the wheel.
Understanding your four brains helps you:
- Identify triggers: Are you stuck in anxious overthinking or reacting with pure emotion?
- Respond better: Learn to switch gears between logic and empathy.
- Balance roles: Use the right brain for connection and the left for problem-solving.
The Neuroscience of Love
Left Brain vs. Right Brain in Relationships
Your left brain is great for decision-making: planning date nights, sorting out budgets, and deciding who’s picking up the kids. But intimacy isn’t its strong suit. When your relationship feels cold or transactional, you’re likely stuck in left-brain mode.
The right brain, on the other hand, thrives in connection. It’s where emotional vulnerability and shared joy live. But let’s be real—if you’re always “in the moment,” you’ll forget to pay the bills or plan for the future.
The Sweet Spot: Balance. When both partners can toggle between their left and right brains, they create a partnership that’s both functional and deeply connected.
Emotional Brains and Your Triggers
Your emotional brains (left and right) are key players in conflict.
- The left emotional brain holds grudges and replays old wounds.
- The right emotional brain feels joy and pain in real-time, without overthinking.
When a fight escalates, it’s often because the left emotional brain has hijacked the conversation with fears and past trauma. Learning to calm this quadrant can transform how you handle disagreements.
Quick Tip: Practice self-soothing techniques, like deep breathing or mindfulness, to shift from emotional reactivity to rational thinking.
How to Use Your Four Brains for Better Relationships
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to be a neuroscientist to get your four brains working in harmony.
1. Quiet the Left Brain at Home
If you’re bringing your Type-A energy into your relationships, try leaving it at the door. The left brain is great for work, but intimacy thrives on connection, not logic.
- Practice: Before entering your home, take a few deep breaths and shift your focus to the present.
2. Nurture Your Right Emotional Brain
Want more joy and playfulness in your relationship? Spend time in your right emotional brain.
- Practice: Schedule “silly time.” Play a goofy game, dance in the kitchen, or watch a comedy together.
3. Tap Into Your Buddha Brain
Your right thinking brain helps you feel calm, expansive, and connected.
- Practice: Start a gratitude ritual with your partner. Share three things you’re grateful for each day to build emotional intimacy.
4. Balance Logic and Emotion in Conflict
When conflict arises, notice which brain is running the show. Is it all emotion (shouting, tears), or all logic (cold, detached problem-solving)?
- Practice: Take turns speaking and listening, honoring both logical and emotional needs.
A Personal Take: How I See This in My Life
As a relationship coach and parent, I see these four brains in action every day. My four-year-old practically lives in his right emotional brain, chasing butterflies and wailing over stubbed toes.
Me? I catch myself in left-brain mode too often—planning, analyzing, solving. But when I pause, take a breath, and let my right brain take the lead, I notice the magic of connection: my son’s giggles, my partner’s warmth, the beauty of the moment.
The more I understand and honor my brain’s four quadrants, the more balanced and fulfilling my relationships become.
The Evolution of the Human Brain
It’s fascinating to think about how these brain functions evolved. The emotional brains (limbic system) are about 200 million years old, designed for bonding and survival. The rational brains (neocortex), by contrast, are relatively new—just 25 million years old.
As a species, we’re still learning to balance these functions. Understanding our four brains is part of that journey.
Fun Thought: What might the “next” brain evolution look like? Could future humans develop entirely new ways of perceiving and connecting?
Final Thoughts
Your four brains are a gift—they help you survive, connect, dream, and thrive. By understanding how they work together, you can transform your relationships and create deeper intimacy and harmony.
Remember:
- Quiet your left brain when emotions matter most.
- Celebrate the joy and creativity of your right brain.
- Use your thinking brains to regulate and support your emotional ones.
Life isn’t about silencing any part of yourself—it’s about embracing the whole. So, take a deep breath, thank your four brains for their brilliance, and get to work creating the love and connection you deserve.